Dia i dun wanna strain our relationship too. I didn't mean to. i know u din mean to bring such pain to my life, but at least can u take some responsibility to keep ur promise the first time i help ur ex to pay up the bills if he comes to owe one which he did. from 700 plus, my sister helped to plead to reduce the charge to 300 plus. I'm now already willing to take the burden of the line which i do not need to. i'm just pleading u to return the money to my sister only by means of instalments, is that too much? my allowance has been deducted for this already. I can only bring food to my workplace to eat while seeing others buying warm food to eat while i eat my cold food. Is that too much for me to ask for a favor in behalf of my family? I've brought enough trouble to my family. i dun wish to put any pressure on u as i had too much pressure myself. As much as i want to try my best to return the money to my sis myself, i cun do so. Time is a killing factor of where i want to place my money for. Worst of all i dun have money to pay for doctor fees which time is short... I cun lose time now Dia. i hope u understand its not me who dun wanna help pay my sis back.

I cried myself out while playing the guitar yesterday to God. They say He listens. I always cry out to God whenever i feel so much pain impaling to my shattered heart. But i guess, i'm cast aside into the darkness of life for i'm just utterly useless. Yet in this darkness i'd found God's gift to sustain me there, be it a blessin or a curse, i treasure this gift for it sustain me making me incapable to lose my value in life. However, my life seems to find no meaning anymore, everything i planned and worked so hard for so far is not working. Everything i worked for only keeps falling back on me. I just feel so helpless. There's so many regrets i had but I do not regret having this gift this life, having its joy and having its sadness is my pure willingness. The only thing i regret is to bring you so much pain, fear and sadness. If only i could turn back the hands of time i would go back to the time before u know sadness and give u the path to happiness at the cost of my existence i'm willing to be that dragonfly to flutter my wings ard u seeing u smile for its worth the exchange.

Problems keep comming one after another, and now they are charging at me together. I dunno if i can stand up taking another blow. I know my bros will be there to hold me up when i fall, but even if my own family whom i cun tell the truth about for they'll be utterly dissappointed with me for causing so much trouble already and yet bring another trouble. I just feel totally upset being misunderstood by my family, my tears just fell whenever they nag at me for being useless being unable to handle my own troubles and keep bringing them more troubles. I just sit there hiding my tears which blended with my flu n illness listening to them scolding me. My allowance has been deducted, my money is depleted. My unlimited vault of tears is broken as my emotions are slowly losing its senses.

I do not want to dwell in this chapter of my life any longer, i believe when i grow up, i can look back and ensure myself such things won't happen again. But still the guilt, the fear and the pain of this chapter will still remain in my journey no matter how much i try to move on. I just hope this gift would remain with me till the future and hold me in my arms looking back with me at the pages of life and tell me its over.

To Cheryl: Hey, i know u r tired. Just take a rest. But remember i'm still here for u. Feel free to call me whenever u wanna find someone to cry to. I'm here to hold u up when u r down just like how u hold me up when i cried and felt sad n helpless before. Anyway dun be angry with Shaun anymore for i told him to do the proposal stuffs on Sat after i finished the main outlines. Thats why he can relax awhile.

To Fyan n Shaun: thank you letting me put my trust in you guys. I feel so much better whenever u two lend me a shoulder to cry on and unleash my anguish.