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Name//Winston
Huang
Icq//31143769
Msn//Winst0n85@hotmail.com
DoB//01-01-1985
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Winston
Oceans of my mind
Hey man! i'm back after one week of so called "slackings". Well its not slacking, many things happened to me lor. It's one of life greatest transformation. Anyway i'm trying to remain low profile of my "happenings". Anyway the main purpose of my post is about the "love" page that i had put up earlier 3-4 weeks ago. I'm trying not to be one sided in my story so i got Tessa to edit it up and do changes to it. Anyway i would appreciate that you guys don't demean her or anything, cuz life is really very unfair anything that happened could result in a person's attitude/character/behaviour... i know her deep down, understand her backgrounds and stuffs. It's really not EASY being her. Cut it short i would link this up to a page of hers expressing her views and a little background of her. Link to her page
i'm sorry guys abt the broken link in the page "love". its not that the server or whateva is not working, its just that i feel my story is one sided so i deleted the page away.(sorry tessa).
Been really bZ nowadays, so *ivan* ar... Paiseh hor, pls be patient with my next design man... i know this webby sux big time man, the black dull page u always see when u drop by bla bla bla. i really wanted to do some iframe stuffs but i guess i'm slow man... kekeZ.
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iT's MONDAY, yeah... it isn't that bad after all... hehe... Actually the timetable for 8am to 6pm is for web programming studentS... HenG ar... i in Video production and Music n MIDI. The most is up to 5pm, moreover i had to go for sch on the odds week for sat (not all saturdays) *whew* siBei heng ar... Anyway i got my com fixed up! printer is 99% working (1% uncertainty of the uncomprehending technological faults), mouse is fully working but i h8 it without a roller in the middle (hopes to get a wheeler mouse compatible to my com instead). Well well, i guess i'll be on HIATUS but that doesn't mean i'll not drop by here to see my taggy n guestbook....
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| YawNzzzzz, went to bugis today to get my hp cover n stock up my stationary for school... Saw so many familiar face like michelle, Alan, Peini bla bla bla... Anyway i was thinking of the how to do the scrollbox or iframe what what the heck it is called for my gasbook's entry... Anyone know??? And I'm getting a new host kekeZ, but before i do so i must get my new design done after my upcomming semester to show them and to approve of my stuffs... By the way i found out what class i m in le... kekeZ, i'm in DMMT/FT/2B/24,64,59,54. well-rounded modules... kekeZ quite nice... Well, school reopening soon sianZ. Guess i better change my sleeping time too, scared later cannot wake up DieZZZZ..... |
| Feeling much better now, caught twins effect just now... it was darn funny! Almost laughed until my tummy cramped! Went out with tessa today... *just frens only* hopefully discipline takes control... not too much physical too... haiZ.... Anyway i checked my timetable and it sux... Even thought i din know what class i'll end up in, i know that all the classes start @8 in the morning end @6 in the evening.... sumore sat nid to go sch oso... tedious wor? *sniff* i guess i'll be going on hiatus on monday lia0z.... yawn~ |
Chatted with Tessa last night, i felt extremely remorseful.
Many thoughts ran thru my mind...
Yet i do not know what they were...
I felt like hiding in the dark...
"Dun always quarrel wf me, try to understand me,
dun always see what i do you buei song lidat, just nicely tell me."
This is the sms i sent her b4, she managed to do it...
Yet my love for her failed... Why???
Is this just a cause and effect ("Yin guo bao ying")
If thats so, someone pls stop this cursed cycle.
A better start, a better future - Winston |
Today is one of the saddest chapters of my pathetic lovelife and probably the finale of my story with Tess. The zealous love i once had has now diminished to just a shadow of friendly care and concern. Therefore its very hard for me to answer the Question whether i still love her anot. Thinking of it, i can't run away... at the end of my life i'll still have to ask myself that question:
Saying that the love i had is no longer there would be a very hurting statement, saying that i still love her would be a lie that will get us going on in this cycle of unhappiness, acting of satisfaction and getting hurt in the end. I'm really very sorry for telling the truths that made u upset, but i rather do something to stop this cycle.
The main reason the love had been diminish is becuz she tired me out, the so-called seeking of my attention she did. She really made me feel very weird going out with her, making me very upset with her unhappiness when we were out. I know that she tried to change after knowing that this doesn't help, but i still feel her inner unhappiness despite the outer happiness she pretended to be.
I'm extremely upset that things would turn out this way; start off- me loving her, she hurting me... ending off- i lost the love i had for her, she cherishing every single moment i cared for her...
I felt very guilty for dashing her hopes of getting back together after her O's. But i wanted to let her to know that it's very hard for me to say,"I don't love you." cuz it hurts me to hurt you.
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